Throughout my life I have fought against many obstacles and problems that still today haunt me, and even though I’m a little over becoming insane, my mind from time to time becomes decayed and unleashed to the part of myself that feels broken by past trauma. One thing I have learnt however is that my life is not to be wasted. I remember when I was 16, for a good 2 years I believed that I had no purpose in life whatsoever and that everything I was doing had to point to it at all. Oh how I was wrong. I’m sure it was an age thing but mixed into that was a lot of distortion.
It’s strange, because when I was even younger, I had intense feelings when I thought about the earth. It is hard to explain, but when I thought of the world, I had many questions. I couldn’t believe there was an earth and that we were actually on it, and I asked who built earth? Who was the first person in this word? Or species. How are we even here? Who are these people around me? And what is my purpose? That last question was the most troubling because I never knew what my purpose was. Of course, I was good at things, had hobbies and interests but still, as I did tasks and tried to remain positive, and the back of my mind, the chatter was “what is the point”.
It is a horrid way of thinking and even a selfish one. Part of this thinking was a lack of social communication and general company. I was truly lonely and felt misunderstood but somehow deeply passionate.
You see, as you get older you learn A LOT. About people, yourself and society in general. The patterns in my life make me believe there is something heading to me that I just can’t grasp. Heaven only knows. Now, although I still face challenges and changes like we all do, I feel various profound changes that have no explanation it seems, yet they are positive in some light.
They is every point to life because life is given to us, whether we had a choice or not, we are here, now in the world and should make every effort to be a part of it and contribute ourselves to what the world has to offer and what we can receive back from it. Hard work does pay off tremendously, but for a period of time you have to forget all about that and solely focus on working towards your dream and making the time for the things you enjoy doing.
There is much beauty in the world that we ignore easily. Gratitude is an important element of life that enables us to see the beauty in the world and what it can do for us. Doing this also makes us feel good in general and makes us feel more love for ourselves, as well as other people.
Even if things are going wrong again and again, know that things will eventually unfold it something you did not expect, and it will only bring you joy and tranquillity. You can finally see the true colours around you and within yourself. This is what will guide you to inner and deeper consciousness, and ultimately, your purpose.
Basically, the experience of no purpose, led me to discovering my purpose slowly, but progressively..